Okay, so I know I've already posted once today (and it was a dandy), but I took this picture tonight and wanted to show it to the world (not because its excellent work, but because it proves that I am lucid.)
Since mid-July I've spent the majority of my time alone at our house entertaining myself since Jeff works and lives down in SLC all week. Over the past few months I've begun to mildly question my sanity. My situation began under normal circumstances. I came home, noticed grasshoppers on the porch, and tried to move cautiously to avoid any erratic jumping from them. Now that same scenario happens every day.
I have two HUGE grasshoppers that sit contently on my front porch all day, every day. They face away from the door as if awaiting my arrival. Strangely enough, as the weeks have passed I've grown to expect them as well. My neighbors probably suspect I'm an entomologist or loony because I often catch myself waving hello and speaking to my insect friends.
Our relationship is so strong that the grasshoppers feel no fear around me. I can swat my hand right by them and they just stare at me. One was sitting on my welcome mat when I came home. I tried to gently coax the thing off, but he wouldn't budge. I shook and shook and shook the mat, and the grasshopper held firm. I finally had to flick it into the bushes! Another day, one of them was wandering around my door frame. I opened the door, the grasshopper continued its vertical adventure, and I shut the door. Rather than jumping inside my house like I expected, the grasshopper got his back leg stuck in the door and couldn't move! (yes, the grasshopper is really that big.) Well, decent people don't leave their friends in such a precarious position. So, I reopened the door, the grasshopper pulled its leg out, and still didn't jump off the door frame. These things are not normal!
The reason for my self mental evaluation is that these grasshoppers disappear when there is someone else to witness their existence. The weekend comes, Jeff arrives home, and POOF my grasshoppers are no where to be seen. Am I so far gone that I have created imaginary friends?
I've told my mom about my two new friends, and its become our inside joke that the two grasshoppers are actually my deceased Great-Grandma Bob (her real name is Emma) and Great-Grandma Fern living secretly as insects in order to act as my guardian angels while my husband is away. (I'll give my mom the credit for this imaginative explanation; it makes me seem less wacky.)
When I left my house this afternoon, I was armed with my camera. Though it may be unhealthy to converse with insects, at least I can prove that their existence is not only in my head.
P.S. Grandma, sorry for smashing your leg.
P.S.S. I hope you guys are saving me a sweet cloud (or mansion, whatever the Jones' have will be fine.) Oh, and I may need you to pull some strings for me up there. I'd really like the Jazz to make it to the top this year!
3 comments:
Celia, you're a good writer! Have you ever considered getting a syndicated column? I think you're very entertaining!
That's so funny about your imaginary friends :) What a bummer your hubby is never around. What does he do? And why does he have to live in SLC all week :(
He is training for a job right now and then we're moving to Las Vegas. We're already supposed to be there so its kind of a mess. He technically doesn't have to live down there but commuting 1 1/2 hrs to and from work is too much!
Post a Comment